I have c9me to kn9w this 6l9g and must say that while m9st Tumblr 6l9gs are filled with NSFW and vulgar stuff, this 6l9g provides me an useful medium with which t9 spread my great kn9wledge 9f racial 9ppressi9n. This medium is the candy c9rn s9mething female y9u refer to as, "Aranna S9rket", wh9se charming yet l9ng-winded speeches fit perfectly well with my kn9wledge and dial9gual a6ility and may extend 6ey9nd simple pr9fessi9nal c9lla69rati9n t9 me and Aranna bec9ming matesprits [...]

- Cranky Vasquez's ask to Meanie Pixies and Aranna Sorket's blog, Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens

Cranky Vasquez is one of the Belorussian aliens with candy corn horns and gray skin featured in the Post-SCrash Session series.


Part of the Jonson family
Biological father:
Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez
Biological mother:
Karkel Sparkel-Vasquez
This character:
Cranky Vasquez
Their siblings:
Rose Quartz Vasquez (half)
In a relationship with Aranna Sorket
No children known
In a relationship with Joey Claire
No children known


It has been established that Cranky and Aranna Sorket were in a relationship prior to the events of The Belorussian Aliens. In the story, he is characterized by making long-winded speeches, which caused tension between Cranky and Aranna. Like various other Belorussians, Cranky joined Meanie and Aranna at the Frog Temple hosted at the pink moon of Belarus, and was subsequently attempted to be killed by Meanie. However, Cranky became aware of the fact, and threw the bomb that Meanie was going to use upwards, which destroyed Belarus instead. Meanie, though, succeeds in killing herself, him and all their friends on her second attempt.

Little is known about Cranky's establishment on the Earth, other than that he is the kid of Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez and Karkel Sparkel-Vasquez. This makes Cranky and Skepness Man Beauregarde cousins, and this relationship was mentioned in Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host.

Cranky is not seen until Aranna has already met Flashlight Girl. The three thus join forces, using Skepness Man's technology, and a romance develops between Cranky and Flashlight Girl. In the triad of chronomads established, Cranky is described as "the big historian who expanded Enchiridion Marrissa into an even greater book". This book, after the three have already reformed themselves to be "The Time Police", comes to play in Marrissaverse Stories 2015, where it is shattered, and Cranky is struggling to piece it together.

In The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out, he plays the role of Anger, one of Riley Andersen's emotions.

Once he is taken away by Meanie to live in Belarus Nouveau, later to be renamed Altair, as Meanie assumes the role of Candacension Pixies, she gives her team nicknames; Cranky's in particular is "Surfer Sinless". It is presumed that Cranky dies in Altair, long before Chell Joy, Louise and Bertha come to search for him to inform him about his half-sister Rose Quartz Vasquez.


  • His chumhandle is communispeechGatherer.
  • His Tumblr blog is
  • His ancestor and "grandpaternal figure" is Cakeman Vasquez, allegedly named after GLaDOS's obsession with cake. Both Cranky and Cakeman have their own place in the Jonson family.



  1. While he does not appear in Portal High School at all, he is mentioned as a graduate of it in The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out.
MarissaTheWriter story characters (v d e)
Based on real people
Real people Doombly - ASBusinessMagnet - Arrow-Awesome - Logic Editor - Skepkitty - Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 - Prettydog200 - Korekara - Loveable Freak - CadenGallic - Library of the Damned
Fabricated people Sue Mary - MarissaTheWriter - Katty Smithereens - interdimensionalPortaller
Self-inserts Principal Business Lady - Business Man (IZ:BAC) - Skepkitty - Falmer trollz - Reel fans - Teen Ragers
Created by Doombly
ITS MY LIFE! (protagonists) Marrissa Roberts - Wheatly - Chell - Gabe Jonson - Caroline - TEEN FORTRESS 2 (Scot - Pyro - Ingineer) - Ratman
ITS MY LIFE! (villains) GLaDOS - Atlas and P-Body - Cave Jonson - CHELLGADOS - The Ultimate Zombee - Assirram Strebor
ITS MY LIFE! (supporting) Companon Coob - Space Core - Rick Core - Oracle Torrent - Gordon Freeman
TEEN FORTRESS 2 Wulf - Katty the Koala - Mr. Pursell - Mr. Sanpe - Principal GLaDOS - Loise Boombooms - Jenny Weasley - Gaz - Abraman Linkan - Redman and Bluman
Born Again Christian Gloria Deschanel - Zim - Gir - Dib - Simon Cowbell - Professor Membrane - Zooey Deschanel - Stephen Merchant - Nny - Skepness Man
THE MARRISSA GAMES (main) Pimprose Evergreen - Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eater - Gale Thunderpants - President Snow - Haymish Abernathy - Whip Whittaker - Gamemakers
THE MARRISSA GAMES (supporting) Kantiss Evergreen - Peacekeepers - Effie Trinket - Frank Fifteen - Agents J and K - Thomas the Tank Engine - Tributes (Roo - Sweary Guy) - Ceaser the Dog Whisperer - Sentinel Crane
Real Beauty Jane Burnham - The Once-ler - Kai Lai
THE KILL OF SNAPE Hermoany Stranger - Gobo Fraggle - Iggy and Huey - Robot and Roslalonde Lettuce - Bertha Boombooms - Flyhoof - The Canni-bull - Queen Elizabeth - Taylor Swift
THE FLAMES AWAKENS Riley Andorsen - Sans and Pappyras
Created by ASBusinessMagnet
Pre-Post-SCrash Session Emprase Contone Ovasere - Ross Lavigne - Avril Lavigne - Gerard Way - Mark Tequila - Kanner Sorket
Post-SCrash Session series (main) The Alpha Kids (Janet Roberts - Jack London - Roxa Lavigne - Dick Stiller) - Candacension Pixies - Meanie Pixies - The Time Police (Aranna Sorket - Cranky Vasquez - Joey Claire) - Lately Pirate
Post-SCrash Session (supporting) Janet's Robrodad - Dick Stiller's GPS Navigation - God Cat - Meanie Pixies' team - Cherub trollz (Cantaloupe - California)
Spectators of the Host (main) Skepness Man Beauregarde - Violet Beauregarde - Willy Wanker - Charlie Bucket - The fake Violet - Chell Junor Roberts
Spectators of the Host (supporting) Leprechauns - Loompa-Oompa servants - Mr. Lewis - Augustus Gloop - Veruca Salt - Mike Teavee - North Koreans - Violet Beauregarde, Jr. - Ms. Hart - Cecil - Carlos - SkyDoesMinecraft
Marrissaverse Stories 2015 The Comcasts - Loreta Alcorn - McJuggerNugget - Marrissa Picard - Albert Dumblydore
Hour of Fame Rebecca Sugar-Vasquez - Stephanie Universe - Alphas
Skepness Man's works Jared Halley - Wantagruel Vasebreaker - Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez - Kobito Minano
Created by others
Arrow-Awesome Fact Core - Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
Prettydog200 Kitteh - Mary-Sue - JABBY JERRY BERRY