Hi my name is Marrissa Roberts an I was in Portal Labs two with Chell an Wheetly. This is my life!

- Original summary of the fanfic

ITS MY LIFE! is the first story written by MarissaTheWriter. It follows Marrissa Roberts, a test subject in Portal Labs who turns out to have speshul powers.

The name ITS MY LIFE! comes from the closing line of a Harry Potter fanfic named Phoenix's Life. The line reads as follows: "But Harry's body skimmed the surface of the lake and then, in a true blaze of glory, he transformed into a magnificent phoenix. And some say, as he soared into the sun set, that he yelled "IT'S MY LIFE" before he retreated into the clouds to never return." This line, in turn, comes from the co-authors of Phoenix's Life listening to the song It's My Life by Bon Jovi while reading the fifth Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.


Marrissa Roberts (called "Marissa" in the first few chapters) is a disillusioned Portal Labs test subject. She has been testing alongsides Chell, who was let out because of brain damage, and other entities such as Companon Coob and Wheatly. Upon one test, GLaDOS announces that the next test will include robots, Altas and P-Boy. Upon meeting, Altas and P-Boy start harrassing Marrissa and knock her unconscious while smoking drugs and drinking beer. GLaDOS herself also has problems; upon discovering that she was once Caroline she became a goth emo and consistently attempts sewisiding. Before sewisiding, however, she announces that Marrissa and Chell are sisters and that Marrissa has speshul powers.

Reasonably shocked by this revelation, Marrissa's true adventure begins. Upon mishandling her powers, she accidentally wakes GLaDOS up, and GLaDOS tells to search for Chell and Wheatly in space, noting that Marrissa has a power to fly into and breathe in space. Upon reaching space, Marrissa finds out that "Chell" wasn't truly Chell, but instead GLaDOS in a disguise. They three then return to Portal Labs.

On Portal Labs, Marrissa is greeted by Chell, who, because of brain damage, has been reduced to dancing and shaking her butt. Marrissa promptly kills her with her magnum pistol, destroys GLaDOS with MEGA PAWNCH and reveals to Wheatly that she is pregnant, putting him to shock. However, Altas and P-Boy find her and attempt to shoot her, only to be rescued by zombified Chell.

She then turns Altas to a zombie and Marrissa immediately realizes than one of her powers is super-detective and that they only could be made zombies via zombee taters. Chased by Chell and Altas, Marrissa chances upon a prototype portal gun which makes portals to Andord Hell, and the story's plot moves there.

In Andord Hell Marrissa finds Gabe Jonson, who agrees to help the main cast. However, Altas (who's no longer a zombie) and P-Boy have been throwing zombee taters to Andord Hell and creating a zombie army, with a reasonably sized denizen to guard it, and the portal to Andord Hell must be shut, but not before GLaDOS escapes and begins conducting tests again.

On the next tests, Marrissa finds Companon Coob, and GLaDOS demands that she throws it to Andord Hell, or else she'll pump the room with neurotoxin. However, Marrissa is immune to neurotoxin, and she goes on to the next room, finding Chell shaking her butt and Wheatly watching her. Wheatly, upon realizing his mistake, immediately drives away on his rail and Marrissa realizes that she cannot fix Chell by her magnum pistol (it was taken by GLaDOS) and she would have to make her a zombie.

Meanwhile, Wheatly is greeted by Altas and P-Boy, and they three, intoxicated by drugs and beer, agree to take down Marrissa. Unfortunately, they find that Marrissa has become a goth emo and upon seeing Wheatly she punches him so hard she breaks him. Gabe Jonson arrives at the scene, claiming he can fix Wheatly, but finds he is intoxicated, and GLaDOS reveals it was her plan all along. Angry, Marrissa uses her powers to blow GLaDOS up, killing Gabe and slicing Chell's butt off in the process. Then Marrissa notices that she uncovered a time machine and goes back in time, hoping that she can fix her mistakes.

In the past Marrissa finds Portal Labs in a slightly different state: Chell is no longer brain-damaged and Altas and P-Boy are not jerks (though, Marrissa accidentally leaves Wheatly's body with them, making them into jerks.) Then Marrissa finds Wheatly, who agrees to put her in the relax hotel and let her sleep until the future; that is, until GLaDOS finds out about it and unsuccessfully threatens to kill Marrissa with neurotoxin. Then Marrissa accidentally creates a black hole, sucking her and Wheatly inside and taking them to Portal High School.

In Portal High School, Marrissa is greeted by Gabe Jonson and Caroline, who agree to take Marrissa to the future with the assistance of the TEEN FORTRESS 2, most prominently Ingineer, who can build a time machine. Before they can do so, however, Gabe's evil twin Cave Jonson and his gang, the evil clones of TEEN FORTRESS 2, discover them and a fight goes on, resulting in Cave's death. Ingineer then tells Marrissa he will give her speshul powers, but gives them to Caroline instead. As Marrissa and Wheatly get in the time machine, Caroline is shot by Cave (who turned out to be alive, but Gabe is quick to kill him) and Gabe decides to build a robot body for her, named GLaDOS.

The evil TEEN FORTRESS 2 is mad at this development. They proceed to create an evil clone of Marrissa Roberts, Assirram Strebor, to kill her. Before Assirram can go on her adventure, however, the gang asks her to do something evil, and she proceeds to corrupt GLaDOS with a virus that makes her evil. Assirram then sets off to the future.

Back in the future, Marrissa and Wheatly arrive and find that Chell and GLaDOS have fused to a single entity, CHELLGADOS. Leading up to the fight, Marrissa also finds Ratman, who has also been fighting CHELLGADOS and other evil robots, and the four proceed to have a fight. CHELLGADOS opens a portal to the moon, sucking Ratman in, and Marrissa makes a black hole, sucking the GLaDOS parts of CHELLGADOS in. However, Chell is quick to die and GLaDOS, out there in space, sings a song named "Im Still Want You Gone" and is eaten by zomboys from Dead Space.

Back on Earth, with Marrissa's guard down, Altas and P-Boy kill her. Distraught by this loss, Wheatly finds Oracle Turrent, and together they realize another of Marrissa's powers: when she dies and eats the zombee taters, she becomes alive again. Back to life, Marrissa finds Altas and P-Boy's hideout, kills them and proceeds to have a wedding with Wheatly.

After Marrissa and Wheatly have their honeymoon, Assirram arrives. She first opens a portal to Andord Hell, claiming the zombee army as hers and killing the Queen, along with other City of Englond citizens. Then she finds Marrissa and the final battle begins. First Marrissa goes to Andord Hell and kills the Ultimate Zombee, then, Assirram threatens Wheatly but he successfully defends himself, and then Assirram and Marrissa begin a "portal battle", warping to the time of the dinosaurs, the Death Star and finally Portal High School, where Gabe, Ratman and the TEEN FORTRESS 2 assist her in killing the rest of the zombees. Maddened, Assirram kicks Marrissa in the tummy and Marrissa kills Assirram, passing out in the process.

When she wakes up, she discovers that she was kept in check by the Medik, who also reveals that Marrissa has given birth to a girl, who she and Wheatly decide to name Chell after Marrissa's dead sister. The President then appears to give the protagonists medals and Marrissa returns to Portal Labs, closing ITS MY LIFE!. The story of Marrissa, months later, is continued in THE MARRISSA GAMES.



MSTer(s) Name of MST Link to beginning
Skepkitty N/A Link
Ghostcat (on Library of the Damned) N/A Link
Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000 N/A Link
Korekara The Unfortunate Discovery of Marissa Roberts Link
CadenGallic N/A Link
ASBusinessMagnet MarissaTheWriter Second Anniversary "Reading" Link
hatersgonnahatewheatley Wheatley Does Commentary! ITS MY LIFE! Link
Luna M. Moon N/A Link
RadioActiveCreaturez N/A Link

Dramatic readingsEdit

Reader(s) Link to beginning
Cat Bountry, Giggles and ThePowerPlumber Link
AwesomeMinority Link
auxiliatrixy / Marionetta Susette Link
BrendanielReads Link
Greg Greenwell Link
Mitchell00 and Beckophilia Link
Kassie Boyd Link


  • Before deletion from FanFiction.Net, ITS MY LIFE! had accumulated ca. 300 reviews.

External linksEdit


MarissaTheWriter stories (v d e)
ASBusinessMagnet Portal: The 4th Millennium: The Trollfic Edition - OMG IMMA IN LOFE WIDDEN ALEEYEN! - Post-SCrash Session - Post-SCrash Session 2: The Belorussian Aliens - Post-SCrash Session 3: Spectators of the Host - Dick Stiller and Roxa Lavigne's Time Travellegiance - Post-SCrash Session 4: Parody of a Parade - Marrissaverse Stories 2015 - The AG 1991 Premiere of Inside Out - Meanie Pixies' Hour of Fame
Arrow-Awesome MarissaxChell - Portla 3
WheatleysGurl The Chronicles of DA SUs
In-universe Pony Pals: Detective Pony - Enchiridion Marrissa - Additional Discoveries on Marrissaverse History
Other / Non-trollfics Various other stories (Marissa Roberts: The Girl Behind The Stories - Lion 3: Straight to Trollfic) - Violet and the Horrible Fanfic Writer - Living Someone Else's Life - MarrissaTheWriter Complete Anthology